


Goodbye My Almost Lover

by LionsHeart



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Angst, Jarry, Jealousy, Longing, M/M, Post break up pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-06
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 06:13:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16213124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionsHeart/pseuds/LionsHeart
Summary: Even tho he broke up with James it's incredibly difficult for Harry to see James in the company of some other man even tho he completely misjudges their supposed "relationship"





	Goodbye My Almost Lover

**Author's Note:**

> I finally finished one of the prompts I got, I put a little spin on it since I also have to work thru my feeling since the break up - still crying over that btw. Any who I hope you enjoy it and pretty pretty please leave your thoughts down below.

Look away. Look away. Look away.

He shouldn't stare. He had no right to be jealous. Harry tried really hard to tear his eyes away from James and the man sitting next to him. The Loft was growded as always and he was sitting too far away to hear even a single word that they were saying but the way James laughed and the way that the lumberjack leaned forward made his skin crawl. Now this guy reached out and pulled at the collar of James’ dress shirt to fix it apparently. James checked him out, that was pretty obvious, Harry thought.

You have no right to be jealous, Harry reminded himself. He made his choice, didn't he? Choosing Ste for the sake of his family was the right thing to do even tho it was so hard to walk out of James’ apartment that day. There he went, breaking the heart of the man he loved again. Sometimes he asked himself how James could possibly still love him after everything that had happened and after all the disappointment Harry had put him through. The sadness that he saw rushing over his lover's face when he heard his choice was haunting Harry ever since. All he wanted was for all of this to be over. All he wanted was to wake up in the morning curled up right next to James and see a peaceful expression on this beautiful man's face.

Tony and Ste next to him were discussing something about the schedule. The wedding was 2 weeks away and he was dreading every single second of this entire farce. This was actually the first time he had seen James in a week, ever since the break up. His ex-lover had successfully avoided him and when he asked Marnie if James was okay, she just turned around and walked away. But there he was, walking into the Loft in one of his dark three piece suits with this man-bun Ken strolling after him. The way they were laughing already when they ordered their drinks at the bar made Harry dig his nails into his thigh. Thinking like this wasn't fair and he knew it. He should want James to be happy and not miserable. But he wanted him to be happy with him and not some other random dude who would never even come close to understanding James the way Harry did.

He tried to look away but then he felt like he was being watched. When he lifted his gaze from his own drink back up to watch the men across the room, his eyes met James’. James was still smiling but the smile was all wrong, it never reached his eyes. They were dark and wistful. Harry sucked in a sharp breath as he tried to seem surprised at laying eyes on James. No matter what he tried to convey though, the moment was over instantly and James refocused back on his drinking partner. 

He hates me, Harry believed and the thought was absolutely agonizing. It was never even a possibility in this mind that James could ever hate him or, and he was very ashamed to admit this to himself, that James could ever not love him. His perfectly imperfect safe haven, James Nightingale. 

Suddenly he noticed James excusing himself and walking over to the bathrooms. He knew he shouldn't. He knew that it was a mistake but his jealousy, his desperation and his need to be close to the man he loves again washed out all of his determination away. As fast as he could without actually running, Harry stalked over to the bathrooms of the Loft. 

James was standing at one of the wash basins, his head down, eyes closed and his arms propped up on the sink. Nobody was there except for them. Even tho Harry wanted to do nothing more walk up to him, he just stood there at the door, uncomfortably stuffing his hands into the pockets and staring at James in the big mirror on the wall. 

“Could you not do this, please?” James voice was quiet and didn't look up.  
“I…I just wanted to know if...you know...if you were okay. I asked Marnie but she doesn't talk to me anymore apparently so…” Harry stuttered.  
“So that's why you keep staring at my client as if he is the anti-Christ of something? Because you want to know if I'm okay?” James lifted his head and looked straight at Harry in the mirror. “Yes that's right.” He snapped when he caught the relieve that flashed over Harry's face for a second. “He is just a client who invited me out for a drink after I got him and his wife a good deal on their case. I'm as hung up on you as I have always been so just go ahead. Pat yourself on the back and go back to picking out the destination for your honeymoon.”

He was relieved. It was selfish that he wanted James just for himself even tho had turned him down but at the end of the day Harry knew that James was his person. James was the one. He always has been.   
“James…” Harry whispered.  
James straightened his back and shock his head. He turned around and walked past Harry towards the door. Quickly Harry grabbed his arm and forced him to turn around. 

“No.” James said, shaking his head. He twisted his arm to get out of grip. “You can't do this to me again.”  
“Do what?”  
“This!” James hissed. “We have been at this point so many times. You made your choice and now I have to live with it! I got it! Don't pull me back into this Harry please. I am begging you.”  
“I just want to know that you are okay.” Harry breathed.   
“No Harry. I am not okay.” James gave back with a sigh. 

Harry loosened his grasp. This was all his fault. He was breaking both of their hearts again. In a rush of emotions he reached out and pulled James head forward so their foreheads were touching. His breath was going quickly and even tho at first James fought back, he had to give in. One of Harry's hands was still on the back of James’ neck. James didn't reach out to touch him or hold him but Harry was honestly glad that he hadn't pushed him away.

“I am so sorry James.” He let out a shaking breath. James didn't respond. “I miss you. I love you so much.”  
One kiss. Harry wanted just one last kiss. Of course he had already had that goodbye kiss but it wasn't enough.  
“I don't want to hurt you.”  
“I know.” James whispered.  
“I love you so much.”  
James breathed heavily and Harry could feel him trembling under his touch.

Suddenly the door was pushed open as far as it could be, since they were still standing right in front of it. They sprang apart and James cleared his throat. He made space for the man who walked into the room and rushed out, leaving Harry behind, his head still spinning. Harry needed a few minutes to come back to his senses before he himself was able to walk back into the main room of the bar. On his way back to his table he glanced at James’ table but now it was empty. His heart sank when he realized that he would probably not see James again for days or maybe weeks. No last kiss.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I love you guys.


End file.
